Life is all about journeys. Whether you realize it or not, you are on a journey right now (probably more than one), and it will lead you to another journey. And what’s interesting to me is that so often the destination of our journey changes while we’re in the middle of it.
I am on a weight loss journey. I’ve been on it for a long time. When I started, my mission was “I want to be skinny”. It felt like everyone around me was smaller than me, and all of the clothing I liked didn’t fit me, and all I wanted was to be small. I wanted to look like the people in magazines. I wanted to fit the clothes in the stores like the mannequins. To a plus size person who is insecure in themselves, there’s something about being skinny that we fantasize will fix everything. Like, if I can fit into that little outfit, I will also fit into society.
Once I was invested in my journey, I started making life changes in the pursuit of skinny. I started going to the gym. I started eating healthier. I started sleeping more. My goal, aside from the general “get skinny” was a specific number on the scale. But while I was focused on that number, there was a subconscious shift in my thinking when it no longer was about being skinny. Sure, I wanted to be fit and look good, but I started feeling stronger and seeing my body respond to the good I was putting into it. I started to respect myself and want to honour my body. In the morning when I woke up, my thoughts weren’t, “time to go to the gym because I want to be skinny”, it became, “time to go to the gym because I feel so good when I do”. My goal shifted…
I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be strong.
Going to the gym is how I invest in myself and put myself first. I don’t focus on some idea of a future skinny self or that number on the scale. I prioritize feeling strong and worthy and loving myself and showing the world that self love is taking care of your mind and body in the way it needs. For me, that means going to the gym and making sure I eat healthy as much as possible, but knowing that missing a day or enjoying a piece of birthday cake won’t ruin my life. But each body and each journey is personal. Your body on your journey might need something else, and only you can truly know your own body.
Like I said earlier, I have been on a weight loss journey for a long time. Honestly, I think of it as a bunch of short journeys rather than one long journey. Those earlier journeys, when I put 100% focus on a ridiculous goal (lose ### pounds in ### weeks) or vision (fit into a size ## bikini by summer) and focused on that goal instead of focusing on my body, those journeys ended poorly. When I missed a goal, I spiraled into negativity that only took me backwards in my journey. Now that my focus is on strength and self love, if I start skipping the gym consistently or eating terribly at every meal and my body feels all wrong, I stop and ask myself, “what does my body need right now to get back on track?” And then I listen to my body.
I am strong. I am full of life and joy. My weight does not affect my worth. My dress size does not dictate how deserving I am of good things. I don’t need to be skinny. I just need to love myself as I am.
In case you’re interested:
- Leggings: Vie Active, Rockell 7/8 Leggings
- Bra: Vie Active, Gabrielle Racerback Sports Bra
- Shirt: Vie Active, Alia L/S Twist Top
- Clothing purchased through: YogaClub (new subscribers use this sign up link to get $20USD off your boxes for life)
- Jump rope: Amanda Kloots, AK! Jump Rope
- Ball: Canadian Tire, 10lb Spri Cross Train Slam Ball